When love no longer has a deadline
The era of taxes and laundry has come?
On June 12th, we celebrate Valentine's Day in Brazil. Last year, on this date, I invited the journalist and nomadic Ricardo Mioto to reflect on love with a deadline. I highly recommend reading his piece, which remains the most popular in this newsletter.
I'm writing about when nomadic love stops having a deadline this year. All nomads know this can happen but don't know how, when, or where. This unpredictability is not much different from non-nomadic love, except for the constant ephemerality of the nomadic lifestyle.
A non-nomad might travel to the beach, fall in love, and it turns out to be just a summer fling. In a few cases, this passion lasts longer. It's difficult when two people have their lives established in different places.
Nomadic summer fling, however, happens all the time. As Klaudia, the Hungarian from the 2023 article, said, "In another life, I would have really liked doing laundry and taxes with you." Imagining multiple lives is beautiful, but it comes with a sense of sadness for a beginning with a marked end. Living this repeatedly, for months and years, is painful.
That's why it's common for nomads and travelers to meet on the road, fall in love, and start living and traveling together. It's much easier when both are on the same vibe.
It's highly complex when one person has an established life, and the other has no established life anywhere. I have faced this scenario in recent months.
Love stopped having a deadline, and suddenly, I'm facing numerous challenges, dilemmas, and inner conflicts, accompanied by passion, love, companionship, and fun. Life becomes dichotomous.
I was lucky this happened in my home base city, São Paulo, where I've been every two or three months and have friends, professional contacts, and family relatively close by.
Was I fortunate or more open to a love without a deadline in São Paulo? A love with a deadline in São Paulo differs significantly from a love with a deadline in Argentina. No matter how much I say, "Be careful, I travel all the time, I'm not suited for laundry and taxes," the frequency of returning to São Paulo opens a small door for love to have no deadline, or at least for the possibility of meeting each other again.
Like everything in life, there is no single answer. One year and a half after the end of my last relationship, I was probably already ready for love, tired of the small monthly breakups. It might be loneliness, too; I don't know.
I had many doubts about love after 30. I met my two ex-girlfriends when they were 19 and 21 years old, and I was 19 and 24. University life and newly graduated, all still very young.
At 33, our current age, we come with a ready package of who we are, what we've done, what we think, and past traumas. Adapting is much more complex, so it's good to be two pieces that fit together like Lego.
More important than fitting one Lego piece to another is growing and maintaining the structure you're building. Wanting to build the Lego too quickly can cause it to collapse. Even though time passes faster at 33 than at 20-something, big decisions need to be made with prudence. Now is the time for no regrets in the future.
The good part of the story is that the relationship can start more mature. Not ceasing to be who you are, with your qualities and flaws, is essential for the other person to assimilate and reflect if this is what they want.
Changes are already happening, and they can be good. It's undeniable that I will have to make a bigger change in this sense since my girlfriend is a middle and high school teacher and cannot go traveling all the time.
The rhythms and durations of my travels will need to change, but not cease. If I stop traveling, I will stop being who I am, negatively affecting the relationship. That's why we're looking for a good middle ground: she had spent 12 days with me in Santiago and 6 in Florianópolis, while I am increasing my frequency in São Paulo. At some point, we will reach the ideal level.
If having children becomes a choice one day, everything will change even more radically. But at this point, I also have my convictions: I will do everything to encourage the children to travel as much as possible. My children will be almost little nomads. The value of travel for a child's development is priceless.
I'm happy. Love always happens, as it should. I had to adapt to be a nomad; I see no problem adapting again to be a semi-nomadic traveler. It will require effort from both sides, but the result can be gratifying and the best days of our lives.
And if everything goes wrong, there's always the lyrics of Samba da Bênção by poet and composer Vinicius de Moraes, master of MPB:
"Careful, my friend,
Life is for real
And don't be mistaken, there is only one
Two lives, as good as it may sound, no one will tell me they have without proving very well
With a notarized certificate from the sky and signed below
By God, with a recognized signature
Life is not a joke, my friend
Life is the art of meeting, although there is so much disconnection in life
There's always a woman waiting for you
With eyes full of affection
And hands full of forgiveness
Put a little love in your life
Like in your samba"
Happy Brazilian Valentine's Day to all.
Mateus- I love the emphasis in this piece. Especially when you said: "I'm happy. Love always happens, as it should. I had to adapt to be a nomad; I see no problem adapting again to be a semi-nomadic traveler. It will require effort from both sides, but the result can be gratifying and the best days of our lives." Such a great observation on the nomadic life. Oddly, growing up I've only ever heard of nomads in history books. But the reality is that much of humanity has been nomadic for longer than we can imagine. I appreciate your openness in this story. Hope you're well this week? Cheers, -Thalia
Oooh, sweet! The photo. Well, as a former flower child i lived many lives (and loves) before 30. But, what I think is Good about that, and the moving around thing, is that by 30 or early 30s-- you know what you want. You may not be as flexible as the nubile young lovers we were, But, we know more what we want, and if the partner we are looking at has also tasted life, so much the better. It means we've both gone through kissing some princes, or princesses, and are better aware of what we want for the future. We know if we want to have a home in one place, have a family etc. I actually think it's the best of all world, Mateus. We're aware of who we are and not unformed being, not Sure of what will make us happy. Suerte y prospero, amigo! Btw, I've been w/ Paul my husband now for decades and we still laugh at lot, like to travel, like the same things -- it's been good.