The terrifying experience of having no home for one week after a storm
'All of this caused a feeling of not belonging. I felt without a home, without anywhere to seek shelter', tells Cacao Sousa
At the beginning of November, an apocalyptic storm hit the state of São Paulo, causing eight dead. In the city of São Paulo alone, more than two thousand trees fell, and 4.2 million people were left without power —60 hours after the storm, 413.000 houses were still without electricity.
My remote coworker colleague, the visual artist Cacao Sousa, remained without power for a week. During this period, her life turned into chaos. I invited her to give testimony to No Direction Home about the experience of spending a few days without a home against her will.
Everything was extremely frightening. On my way home, I started receiving many messages, photos, and videos from neighbors showing the fall of two trees in front of my house. On that route, I counted nine fallen trees. When I came home, it was terrifying not being able to see the house. I took my daughter to Thiago's house, my ex-husband, who lives very close by, and there was also no electricity. Everyone was scared.
When the rain stopped, I went home to get some things. There were many loose wires. I was scared of getting an electric shock and not being able to return to Helena, my daughter. I had no idea that all of this would last so long, and at that moment, we didn't know how crazy was the situation in the city.
Days before the storm, the roof of my house had a short circuit, so I was already going back and forth to Thiago's house. It would be necessary to replace part of the wiring. Because of this, my father, who lives with me, was at my brother's house on the day of the rain. Otherwise, he would have been alone at home with Samba, my dog. I don't know how he would react to hearing two trees falling simultaneously. This scene is constantly on my mind.
I remember being unable to stop thinking, 'this is fucked up, fucked up, how will this be resolved', and trying to know if the neighbors were safe, worried about everyone's situation. There was a building on fire, and we wanted to know if the woman inside could get out because the door was blocked. The first few hours were agitated, without perspective on what would happen.
Going to Thiago's house was another peculiar factor. After all, I went to the house of my ex-husband, who is very much my friend, a close person, yet he's my ex-husband. He slept in the living room on the first day, but on a child's mattress, uncomfortable, practically on the floor. It was very hard for him. I feel terrible taking away someone else's comfort.
Then, the more practical issues started in those first hours. Manage to find a place to eat in the morning, charge the phone, and figure out how to supply everything.
All of this caused a feeling of not belonging. I felt without a home, without anywhere to seek shelter. It makes me think a lot about how you, Mateus, feel. Your not belonging is a choice. You see advantages. I felt lost. I was thinking about basic issues, where to eat, where to take a shower. Helena needs to be okay, Samba needs to be okay. Two lives who couldn't do it for themselves.
It makes me think a lot about how you, Mateus, feel. Your not belonging is a choice. You see advantages. I felt lost.
Helena was anxious, restless, and unable to play with her friends. We could not play with her because we were sorting things out. It was twice the work.
Monday was utterly chaotic; there was still no electricity at Thiago's house, and I had to go to my brother's to take medications that my father forgot, give Helena breakfast, drop her off at school, pick up things to go to work at the coffee wi-fi.
When I arrived at the coffee, I burst into tears. I was taking care of so many things at once. This daily routine of taking care of Samba, Helena, and my father intensified, making me very sad because I also needed care. I was feeling alone, overwhelmed.
The support at work was essential because the internet sometimes didn't work, and I had to go elsewhere. On the day the light came back on at Thiago's house, I started working there, then the light went out because a pole caught fire. I get to the bakery, and the power also goes out. It was the worst day.
I was genuinely exhausted, desiring comfort. The sensation of not belonging was intense because I was in that situation for a week. I realized how overwhelmed I am caring for so many things.
